New Starbucks Holiday Beverages | Seriously?


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With our iconic Pumpkin Spice Latte and Peppermint Mocha, Starbucks has the holiday drink, but you can’t rest on your laurels in this industry. This means that our team is constantly thinking about new specialty drinks and cup designs. Ha! I hadn’t seen the mug design being so controversial over the holidays, but here we are! We’ve mined the catalog of fall and winter flavors like caramel, apple, gingerbread and sugar cookie, but that doesn’t mean we’re out of ideas. Indeed, the wonders of the season and the precious feedback from our sometimes terrifying customers are inexhaustible sources of inspiration. Keep an eye out for these instant seasonal test marketing classics at a Starbucks near you.

Falling maple leaves

Does it smell like that? It’s the scent of a fresh autumn day that escapes from your cup. Take a sip of espresso and steamed milk, a glass of real Vermont maple syrup and, mmm, pthphp, yeah, that’s real leaves in there. Authentic, unwashed autumn leaves – like licking an unraked lawn.

Macchiato Cozy Cardigan

What could be more autumnal than wrapping your hands around a hot cup and wrapping yourself in a beloved sweater? Nothing. That’s why we created this hot espresso and a pinch of steamed milk crisscrossed with Cozy Cardigan Caramel™ Syrup, a lightly salted caramel with a hint of that musty smell from the back of the closet where your sweaters have been sitting all day. ‘summer. It’s the smell of autumn, okay.

Mushroom Hunter’s Mocha

Many health-conscious people are switching from traditional coffee to an immunity-boosting version made with dried mushrooms, but that’s not it. This is a tempting mocha with a regular espresso, your choice of milk and our homemade chocolate syrup, topped with whipped cream and shavings of forest mushrooms picked by your neighbor who just went mushroom hunting and brought it. We’re no experts, but he says he’s 90% sure everything is fine. It smells like earth!

Flat white thanksgiving

Espresso and steamed milk with micro-foam get the holiday dinner treatment with all the flavor of roast meat, sage dressing, sauce and green bean casserole with our syrup Turkey Feast™. All the trimmings in liquid form with a slice of canned cranberry sauce floating on top. What? Is that the cranberry sauce? Because we can swap an extra glass of sauce instead. Ask for the secret menu!

Venti Empty

In addition to the planet on fire and democracy hanging like a plastic mistletoe from a thumbtack, the holidays can be stressful. Sometimes we don’t have time for the self-care we need, like sleeping, exercising, or standing in the garden looking up at the sky like a penguin in barren Antarctica. Enter the Venti Void. Lightly scented with pine, it’s actually an empty cup made from recycled soundproof foam so you can open the lid and scream into it for as long and as loud as you want. Here, let him out.

Black Friday Extra Dark Cold Infusion

It’s a deeper than deep roast that’s both rich and invigorating. It’s also powerful enough to propel you through a target’s barricaded doors at midnight. Is there a tiny bit of PCP in it? I do not know. Do you want that 72-inch flat screen? So don’t ask stupid questions.

Wild Turkey Steamer

Ah, this one has been a favorite among the staff as our attempts to form a union have been canceled by the company, and it should help you get through the holidays when you will be subjected to the obnoxious politics of your loved ones and comments about your “way of life”. We pour four fingers of Wild Turkey into a frothing pitcher and spin it around the espresso machine’s steam wand while making a fake shrrsh-shrrsh sound before tossing it into a festive red holiday mug with flakes of snow and a very comfortable cover.

Is this Christmas enough for you

According to the raging flood of emails, the red and green cups are still not self-explanatory enough to encourage some of our Fox News addicted customers looking for something to shout at our cashiers now that the masking orders are over. . Well, how about if the staff dresses up to perform a living Nativity – oh, we’re absolutely sued – and relays your command via Gabriel’s trumpet? How about a 42-year-old barista named Todd swaddled as baby Jesus passes your peppermint mocha or whatever through the drive-thru window, huh? Is that enough Christmas spirit for you?

You know what? Alright, it’s a war on Christmas Breve

OK, so you don’t really want all that, but rather complain about the “War on Christmas” and rip your clothes off over your imaginary religious persecution every time someone says “Happy Holidays.” I understood. Here’s a black mug with a goat’s head and a glowing embossed pentagram to support your insane and understated anti-Semitic conspiracy theory that a global cabal is threatening the very existence of this country’s most commercialized annual sales generator. Is that infant blood mixed with espresso and half and half? It’s not, but that won’t stop you from going live on Facebook to shout that it is. Well, there it is. Glory to Satan!

Jennifer Fumiko Cahill (her) is the Journal’s Arts and Features Editor. Contact her at (707) 442-1400, ext. 320, or [email protected] Follow her on Mastodon @[email protected]

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